Night Care and Postpartum Rhythm

​There is a trend toward hiring night doulas at the moment, and many seasoned birth professionals have taught me to feel that it is not always in the best supportive interest of a family to have frequent night support. Night support can be a great idea once or twice per week, to really offer a restful reset, especially when cluster feeding is making sleep impossible. However, postpartum doula support is about nurturing a sustainable transition into parenthood, and while night support can be an important tool for single parents, twins, and parents with other reduced capacities, I would urge new parents to consider whether the trend towards overly frequent night support is offering a nurturing transition, or a crutch to put off adjusting to the transition. There may be other ways to make nighttime work, through learning how to reduce cluster feeding, expressing breast milk to share feeds with a partner, safe co-sleeping, setting boundaries for how time is spent in the day, and adjusting your own rhythms to allow for rest when baby is resting. 

*Please note that night doulas may be necessary in reducing the risk of postpartum depression and psychosis that can come from lack of sleep. I am not discounting times when night support is a necessary mental health intervention.*

Because of the alienation of parenting from the rest of society in late capitalism, many people who are pregnant for the first time are unskilled in knowing how truly demanding postpartum recovery and adjustment is on the body. And, because of the devaluation of mothers and reproductive labour, the idea of postpartum lying in and rest is seen as modern western culture as indulgent. The reality is that a postpartum body is at its most vulnerable that it may ever be in life. The separation of the placenta from the uterine wall leaves a wound the size of a dinner plate that takes an immense amount of internal energy to heal, not to mention the calories that are drawn from a breastfeeding parent's body to produce milk, or to repair tissue damaged from tearing or cesarean delivery. Postpartum bodies need tender rest and care, and a rewiring of internal rhythms to meet the needs of the newborn. 

There is a saying within postpartum doula communities to eat when baby eats and sleep when baby sleeps. And though it seems impossible, it is so important to strive for this. This comes not from hiring a baby-sitter for every night to avoid this new rhythm, but from arranging life to adjust to this new relationship to time and sleep, creating cycles of resting, waking, and eating that shift outside of the normal (capitalist) cycle of 8 hours sleep at night and 3 meals per day. Your baby is eating 8-10 times in a 24 hour period, and taking small naps in between these feeds. Remember, a newborn baby’s stomach is the size of a walnut — the digestive system moves quickly. You will want to have many small meals and naps whenever possible, day and night. 

When you have a new baby, your life and schedule is going to change and your capacity will be automatically limited. You will need to train not only you baby’s body but your own body to sleep in the day, to be able to wake 4 or more times in the night to feed. The other need is to train the mind to not tend to any other responsibilities other than the needs of your baby and older children. Postpartum and breastfeeding parents should not be doing dishes, laundry, errands, and cooking. Postpartum parents should by no means be working. This is where the support of a doula/partner/grandparent during the day comes in, tending to the outside responsibilities so that your body can focus on milk production and uterine and/or cesarean healing. The other need is to set boundaries to advocate for this rest. Time with family and friends during the day should not be using the energy bank up ——and yes, you are allowed (and encouraged) to go take a nap while others visit your home. If you are feeling that your energy is depleted from visits, it is reasonable and fair to advocate for no or few visitors during the lying in period (first 40 days) or as long as you need to feel nourished by the presence of others.

The reality is, the way you rest and times you are able to rest will change when you have a newborn. Especially if new parents are exclusively breastfeeding, cluster feeding will happen and there will be nights where, shockingly, 30 or 60 minutes of sleep will be all a breastfeeding parent can find the time for. So, what are the other options? By all means, one night a week where a doula sleeps with baby in their room and cleans up, sterilizes pump parts, and gets you and your family a full night of sleep is invaluable. But, what are the other skills  that need to be nurtured and advocated for in order to create sustainable and manageable cycles of rest and waking for the feeding parent? How can we shift the culture of productivity towards seeing this time and new rhythm as a vital development, and mothering as hard, important work. 

There are harm reduction fixes and then there are culture shifts. And both are necessary in building a postpartum sanctuary full of rest, bonding, and care!